I click the submit payment button once again,
and I
feel a surge of sweet relief.
I’m afraid that I
might be too inclined
to shop online.

I stop and reflect:
I’ve made at least one
internet purchase
each week for the last month.

We all cope in different ways, I suppose.

It’s not that I’m trying to defend myself.
I’m definitely a lucky bastard.
I still have money coming in, I
still am capable of paying my bills, I
don’t need to worry as much as a lot of other people.

So I buy too much fun stuff, and
I wonder if I’ve gone overboard.
I tell myself
I have to wait a long time to enjoy this stuff,
for safety’s sake, and
by the time it arrives,
in the best possible scenario,
all this quarantine business
might be over.

It might not be over then.

If it’s not, I’ll
keep on distancing, I’ll
keep on typing away, for work and for fun, I’ll
keep rolling dice and hoping for nat 20’s, I’ll
keep rearranging my furniture in Animal Crossing, I’ll
keep my hopes up,
’cause hope and each other are all that we’ve got,
and I can’t hug any other
aside from myself.


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