Poetry

17.

Just a few hours of quality time,
that’s all I need,
I’ll start now.

The short stroll to the kitchen
brings me within spotting distance
of the PS4,
and I know what one of those few hours will look like.
Ten minutes later, and I’m bawling on the couch,
with my weird reflection crying back at me,
our mouths twisted in grimaces
that dance into fleeting faux-smiles
as our lips prepare for more sad vocalization.

Have you ever watched yourself cry?
Do you ever wonder what your sadness looks like when you blow apart the dam
and let all that fluid rush out?

Sometimes all you need is a good cry,
I’ve heard it said.
It’s true.

Have you ever watched My Hero Academia?
Or anything that stirs your emotions?
Yes, I’ll admit
it:
I cried watching anime today.
There are these kids, see, and they have powers,
and they want so much to use their powers for good.
They’re learning to be heroes,
and the villains are real assholes,
so things get tense pretty fast.

I root for these kids.
I realize that I am older now,
there are lines on my face
and a growing bald spot on the top of my head,
but my heart yearns for good.

The soft sigh of a hug,
the quick clap of a high-five,
the unseen-yet-gooey warmth of a compliment that is earned,
so it seeps into your skin until it fuses with your bones,
and you feel
every tiny victory
in the lifelong war for competence.

I hunger for these feel-good moments,
and sometimes,
I get them from anime.
Other times they’re found in books.
But I swear,

I’m trying to find them

in real life too.

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